I was sitting amongst students at an assembly sometime back, and I overheard one student talk to another as he passed the first student. The first student (who was Black) made some comment to the second student (who was Indian) in an Indian accent about working at the quickie mart. The Indian student laughed and kept going. I got upset and admonished the student. He looked at me, surprised, and said, oh I'm just kidding. He's my friend. We always joke about stuff like that. Normally, he makes fun of me for being Black and says...(I don't remember the exact comment). Anyways, I said something like it's not appropriate for you to be talking like that.
Then I sat and thought about it for awhile...I realize that the students were probably not upset by the banter that they had, and for them there was nothing wrong with it. So I thought about why it bothered me. I thought about the fact that my friends and I could have similar kinds of jokes...picking on each other's stereotypes. When, if any, is the right place for those interactions to occur? I came up with the fact that I was the role model for these students and for them to be joking about stereotypes in front of other students would give the wrong message. Another student might hear it and become upset or take it for truth. Stereotypes are bad, because they create a false impression of a group of people. They lead people to judge not based on personal interaction but by a preconceived notion.
I don't know if this is wrong or right, but in my opinion one should have a different set of rules for things said in public and in private. By public, I mean in a professional setting. School is my workplace, my professional setting, and also the students' as they are there to prepare themselves for the real world. One needs to be very careful with jokes in a professional setting. In private, when one is with friends, things can be said differently. The key in every situation though is to treat people the way you would like to be treated- with respect- and also to keep in mind how your words are received by other people. For me, even though students might not mean their comments, they should learn what is deemed appropriate in the real world.
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I understand why you were bothered by the comments the students made. Although I'm sure that they are friends and were not bothering each other, it doesn't make saying it ok. A situation like this could present an opportunity to discuss some of the things you mention in your post with your students. For example, I agree with your feeling that the environment in which something is said can make a large difference in its appropriateness. Perhaps that is something that the students may not have been considering, but it is something that is important to be conscious of...
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